As I laid there on the ground, at the local park contemplating whether or not to take my life, I looked up to the sky, tears rolling down the sides of my face.
I was in pain..emotional pain and all I could think of was ending that pain, by ending my life.
I kept wondering if God really did exist and if he did, where was he when I needed him the most.
I turned my head to the side and I see my moms friend walking with her husband, the same lady that would help us out when we didn’t have food. A very nice lady, in fact one Thanksgiving we didn’t have anything and she brought us boxes with food. I was locked in my emotions, inside I was yelling for help, I wanted to call out, but she didn’t even see me laying there on the ground under the tree. I wanted her to see me, to come to me, to ask me what was wrong but she continued on her walk. I laid there just crying, I wanted someone to help me take my pain away. You see I was 16 years old and I had recently lost my first child…a beautiful baby girl. It had been a year and I was still trying to recover from the loss of my baby. She was a stillborn, I had her two days before her due date, January 19, 2000. I had to go through the whole birthing process, the labor pains and all. All of that, to just end up leaving the hospital empty handed. My baby died of asphyxia, her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, which cut off the oxygen supply. I did okay for the first months after I had her, I was holding up pretty strong but after that I went into a deep depression. I lost so much weight so rapidly, I almost became diabetic, I was eating poorly and not taking care of myself. I didn’t want to live, I was going through so much as a teenager all of it was too much for me to handle at once. In the previous days I had asked my coworker if he knew where I could get a gun. He looked at me with this look like what the hell do you want a gun for. I told him it was for protection he continued to look at me crazy. Eventually he came around and he said he would see what he could do for me. What he didn’t know was that in reality I wanted that gun to kill myself. I wanted the pain and suffering to go away. So as I laid there on the ground contemplating whether or not to take my life I started to wonder. I started to wonder about my future….I always wanted to be a Doctor since I was like around 5 years old. I started asking myself, well how will you know if you make it and become a doctor? How will you know if you get to meet the man of your dreams, the one you will build a family with? How will you know what he will look like and if he gives you the life you deserve? How will you know how many kids you will have and what they will look like? And then I thought about my parents and thought I can’t do this to them. I don’t want my parents to suffer my loss especially my mom whom had already lost one son. A lot of things that I wanted to do in life started running through my mind. All I could think of was how will I ever know what my future has in store for me if I am not around to see it happen. That is when I changed my mind and I started thinking, I want to see the man that I will marry someday and I want to see those kids I have one day and I want to go to college and become a Doctor. So I got up and wiped my tears and walked home…I knew exactly what I was going to do.
My name is Luz Elena Franco, I am 33 years old. I was born and raised in the streets of Odessa, West Texas. Born to Maria Guadalupe Cabello and Raymundo Ezequiel Franco. Daughter of immigrants from Mexico: Santiago Papasquiaro, Durango and Cd. Juarez, Chihuahua to be exact. I did not have a good upbringing we had it rough, but both of my parents tried their best to provide. However, my father battled alcohol addiction for many years. As a result I was exposed to mental abuse and violence in my household. My father never laid a hand on me well I think a couple of spanks I did receive but it was rare. He was mostly mentally and verbally abusive when he was drunk, but sober he was my dad the one I really loved. In my eyes my father was a smart man, he knew a lot of things, I know because he would school me, and he actually graduated high school. My dad would educate me on politics, history, math, and life in general. And I was always listening in taking mental notes. He was very intellectual, but alcohol got the best of him. How can someone so smart be so stupid? I have been asked that same question many times. My grandfather was an alcoholic and he physically and verbally abused my father since he was a little boy. My father has carried that burden with him his whole life. But my father loved his father, I know because the day he died I saw my father cry and that was rare to see because my father never cried. I credit my father for my intelligence not that I am a genius or anything because I am not but, I have always loved school and learning. I learned a lot from my father growing up, he taught me so many things about life. He was not the perfect father, and when he did bad it was really bad, but when he was sober he was a completely different person. Every now and then he was giving, helping out people in the streets. Once, he picked up an immigrant from Honduras off the street and let him live with us for awhile. I remember the look on the mans face the first day I met him. He looked so lost so far away from home I don’t remember how he ended up in the U.S or in our small town. He seemed scared and lonely all he had on him was a jacket and a small duffel bag. He was nice, very humble and he always stayed out of my families way, he kept to himself and eventually he went with his family. My father set a lot of examples for me to follow when he was sober however, he also caused a lot of pain in my life and left me with emotional trauma, but he is my father and I will always look out for him and love him with all my heart. (It is important for me to talk about my dad, because my past gives you insight as to who and why I am the way I am today and my father’s addiction played a critical role in my life.) My mom, oh wow! I have so many things to say about her but all I can say is that she is an amazing, extraordinary woman. She is my hero….. my idol! I get my strong work ethics as well as my loving, caring and good personality from her. She has been through hell and back and always manages to come back strong. She has always been a fighter and the main supporter of the family. I seriously do not know how she manages to maintain sane after all the hell we put her through. My mother’s mom my grandma died when my mom was 14 years old. My mother had it ruff growing up and became a young mother herself. No mother is perfect my mother made a lot of bad choices in her life and a lot mistakes raising her kids but I will tell you this she tried her very best to be a good mother. In my eyes she is the perfect mother! I have nothing but ultimate respect for my mother and I will never put my mother to shame or disrespect her in any way shape or form. I will always hold her high, she is the reason why I am where I am today.
Today I am happily married, I have been with my husband 16 years.. we met in 2001. The same year that I wanted to end my life..crazy right. We have two beautiful daughters, they are both special in their own way. They both are smart, creative, artistic and driven just like their mamma. My oldest started high school this year and my youngest is in 6th grade. We have an amazing dog named Emily whom we named after my cousin whom passed away. She was a kidney disease fighter for 7 years and was very passionate about dogs and animals. Emily was born in the days before my cousins passing; we had been devastated because we had lost our previous family dog in Texas. We swore we would never own a dog again and then Emily came along and I felt as if my cousin was giving her to us because she knew how devastated we were after losing our previous dog. Without hesitation after Emily was born we instinctively knew she was for us and we named her after my cousin. She brings nothing but joy to my family.
I am also a Certified Surgical Tech 14 years and counting but in practice 13 because I don’t count my first year since I didn’t officially start scrubbing until after my graduation. I held my first job as a Private Scrub with Dr. Glen Hait, MD. After he retired I moved to California and began working with Beverly Hills Physicians from 2011-2018, however, I recently landed a new job as a Private Scrub again with the lovely and beautiful Dr. Quardt aka Dr. Q. Whenever I can every now and then I still go and help out Beverly Hills Physicians.
I am what most consider a non traditional pre-medical student. Most students pursuing medicine stay on a track after high-school. They go to college, university then medical school, they are not married with kids either. I on the other hand graduated high school got married, had kids, went to college carried on with life then went back to the university and now on the road to becoming a doctor. I have an Associates Degree in Science and also a Bachelors Degree in Psychology. I have worked in the field of plastic and cosmetic surgery since the first day I landed my first job after my college graduation. I did not want to go into plastics but it was the first job offered to me. I tell you what, it opened a lot of doors for me that I never imagined and enabled me to get a lot of experience in the medical field and grow personally and professionally. My blog is only a glimpse into my journey, I have literally been through so many obstacles and challenges. I hope to write a book someday so there is a lot of things that I will not share on here. Sometimes you just have to save the best for last.
I invite you to join me on this journey…my journey to medical school and becoming a doctor. Life gave me a second chance at my dream and I have come a long way. There is no turning back. Follow me on my journey to becoming Dr. Franco.
Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom and that I learned…..